Write Away

I want to start writing again.

Not blogging. That's different. I like this, though. I like publishing posts and not constantly checking back to see if anyone had commented or liked it. That was stressful, and it wasn't me. But I like randomly sitting down, hashing out some feels, and hitting publish. I know next to no one is reading it, and that's fine. I almost like it that way.

But back to writing. I need to start again. There was a time that I used to be almost decent. I was an English major in college, and took a couple of Creative Writing classes. Those were always my favorite. I'm not a great test taker, so sometimes school was a bit difficult for me. But I could always write.

In recent years, I've gotten away from it. My muse kept drifting off to places where I couldn't quite reach it. Every time I sat down to write, I just kept staring at a blank page. I had the most horrendous case of writer's block imaginable. It's so frustrating not being able to do something you love.

I always wanted a career in writing. The end goal has always been to have a published novel, but over the years I thought I might want to work in publishing. But then that never happened. I ended up in industry after industry, each of which further and further away from everything I thought I ever wanted. I took jobs just to have a job. I had bills to pay. If I wanted to move out, I needed rent money. I had things I wanted to buy and places I wanted to go. Turned out that chasing my dream wasn't very profitable. I've never had a career, just jobs. Most of which, jobs I couldn't stand.

But I've always been a bit of a dreamer. In school, people would say I had my head in the clouds. It wasn't ever meant as as compliment, but I still took it that way. The dreamers of the world are the people that make life so colorful. There's nothing wrong with dreams. Sometimes dreams are the only things that keep people going. So since I've always been a bit of a dreamer, I've never been able to forget writing. It's always in the back of my mind. Little stories come alive in my head, and I feel the urge to get them down so I don't forget them. Usually at really inopportune moments like in the middle of a meeting or at 3AM.

So I've decided I'm going to make the conscious effort to write more because if I stop writing altogether then I'm just giving up on a dream, and then I will have no one to blame but myself for never making it happen. And how bad would that suck to know that you possibly could have made it, but you didn't because you just called it quits.

I'm thinking it would suck pretty badly.