Meeting Other Humans is Hard

It's so hard to meet someone.

We've all heard that phrase time and time again. I often wonder where people find their special person. I feel like half my friends met their significant others on dating apps    the others either met them in school or in a bar. None of those options have turned out well for me.

My boyfriends in college didn't work out. Clearly.

I've tried the online dating thing. That's four months of my life I will never get back and years of therapy I will never be reimbursed for.

And the guys in bars? Meh. I'd rather not. I'm a different person when I'm inebriated, and I don't feel like starting something new on the basis of a lie.

Speaking of lie...

Another reason I don't want to meet a guy in a bar? They are fucking idiots.

So I went out tonight, for a girls night. It was actually really fun. There was live music and we were definitely dancing like no one was watching. So I meet this guy, and he's younger than me but really cute and knows how to shag dance so I go with it. He called it swing dancing by the way. He was under the impression that shagging meant what it did in the UK and thought I was propositioning hm within the first few minutes of meeting him. Maybe that's where everything went wrong.

So we dance and flirt and it's fun. I feel like it's been so long since I flirted with someone. I introduce myself, and he introduces himself. His name is Stephen, and he's from Georgia. A nice Southern boy! It's been so long since I met one of those around here! Everything is fine and dandy. We continue talking, and then I leave to talk to my other friend. I come back and the boys are whispering. I ask my friend who is standing there what'g going on, and she informs me that Stephen thinks I lied about my name.

Um, what.

Why would I lie about my name yet keep talking to him? Also, why I would lie and say my name is Marshall?

So, I ask him about it. He said that he doesn't know me (fair) and that girls also lie about their names (also, fair). I admitted that both these things were true, yet that most girls who lie about their names don't keep hanging out with that person.

However, he still didn't believe me, and asked to see my ID.

I was baffled. Like, why would I still lie about my name, and why would someone try so hard to prove me wrong. At this point, both he and his friend thought I was lying. Apparently, when I introduced myself I smiled and looked away and this seemed sketchy to them.

I was so perplexed and so annoyed, and I wanted to prove them wrong so I showed them my ID. They honestly studied it for a straight minute. Then, after all that, Stephen tried to tell me my middle name was my first name. I quickly disproved his theory.

After all this awkwardness, he gave me a half ass, fake sincere apology. That I partially accepted.

During all of this, my friend is still flirting with his friend and who am I to rain on her parade. They asked us to go to another bar, and I could tell my other friends wanted to go so I agreed. Once we are at the other bar, I'm talking to Stephen's friend. I'm not flirting with him, but I'm bored and talking to him about murder mystery shows because why not. And then Stephen walks up and asks "what my deal is." I'm confused and asked him what he means. He rambles on about how he is a "straight forward guy." I told him I didn't have a "deal" and was just out with my friends for fun.

If you can't tell, the conversation isn't going smoothly and I'm turing into the ice cold bitch everyone thinks I am. He finally accepts that I'm just out for a girls' night, and I don't have an ulterior motive.

Then, when I don't think the conversation with this bozo can get any worse, he tilts the neck of his beer bottle near my neck and goes, "you didn't do a very good job of covering up that hickie."

Well, first of all, you fucktard. it's a birthmark. You insensitive fuck.

When I tell him it's a birthmark, he once again accuses me of lying.

Is it just me, or has maybe this guy been burned in the past?

I turn to my friends and ask them what the mark on my chest is. ML calls it a "rashy thing" and MS says "she's had it since I've known her."

So once again he gives me a half ass apology that I partially accept but not really because he's a giant fuck, and I can't wait to never talk to him again.The night doesn't last much longer after, and for that I am grateful.

However, now once I'm home, I'm kind of sad. How am I expected to meet someone? Guys in bars think I'm lying about my name and flaunting a hickie? I'm out of college, and dating apps aren't my thing.

I'm not looking to date someone now, but maybe sometime in the far off future? I don't know.

Finding someone is hard.

And that's all I know.

Love Commandments

Disclaimer: I am NOT an expert on love in any way, shape, or form. 

With that being said, I will say I may be an expert on what does not constitute as love. It seems like I am a magnet for bad dates and jerky boyfriends. So in honor of Valentine's Day, I thought I would share with y'all what I have figured out over the years.

1. If he pressures you, he's not for you.
If a guy respects you, then he will respect your morals. Don't let a guy push you to take steps you aren't ready for.

2. If dating feels more like a game you don't know the rules to, then run. Far and fast.
Dating shouldn't be a guessing game. You should know where you stand with a guy, and you shouldn't have to jump through hoops to figure it out. Healthy relationships don't stem from playing games.

3. Don't just date someone because you're lonely or just because a guy is interested in you. That's not fair to you or the guy.
Being bored is never a good reason to start giving that one guy that has liked you for years the time of day. With Valentine's Day (ahem, Single Awareness Day) coming up, it's understandable that many girls start feeling lonely around this time. But don't just jump into a relationship because you don't like being alone. That's not a good basis for any relationship.

4. If he tries to guilt trip you into doing things, then he's a douche. It's as simple as that. 
One of my ex boyfriends would try to get me to do things with him that I wasn't comfortable with by comparing me to his ex girlfriend or saying that all other girlfriends do things like this and don't complain about it. All this resulted in was making me feel really self conscious and unsure of our relationship.

5. If he describes all of his exes as "crazy" then chances are he's the crazy one. 
Um, what's the common denominator in all of these relationships? Him! A guy like this is delusional and immature. Don't fall for it.

6. Don't confuse a hook up for a budding relationship. 
Sometimes, a hook up will result in a relationship. I have 2 friends that are in committed relationships with guys they first started hooking up with. But that is college dating, which is way different from dating in the real world! Some good ways to tell if he's just interested in you as a bed mate would be if he only acknowledges you when he's drunk or at night, he flirts with other girls, your "dates" consist of hanging out at his place and making out on the couch, or he's had relationships in the past, but he makes no effort with you to indicate that he would want to move into dating territory.

7. If your friends and family don't like him, then there's a problem.
These people have your best interest at heart. I know while in a relationship sometimes women are blinded to their significant other's issues. Take into account what your loved ones are saying. In the end, they just want you to be happy.

xoxo